Confessions of the mad, crazy, half dead Pollux
by Hugs6
Summary: Pollux can't forget his dead twin brother, no matter how much he wants to. Struggling with, well, everything since his death, things just getting harder after Graduation, Pollux has to realize he just as powerful without Castor, and that other people DO understand. But it won't be easy for the insane son of Dionysus...
1. Prologue

Prologue:

Twenty two years old, completely crazy, and not able to shake the feeling that without Castor he was half dead, Pollux took the step into camp half blood for the first time since he'd graduated College, just a month earlier.

He'd been so busy. Unpacking things in his apartment, working on his book, hanging out with the few friends he had in his outside world...

Pollux, besides having survived so long in the demigod world, was also known for the fact that he didn't have dyslexia. Oh, he had other powers besides that. He could cure madness, excepting his own, with a finger snap, and cause it FAR easier, and the strawberry plants went wild when he was around. Sometimes, on good days, he could summon a grape crush, the only thing his dad would let him drink with grapes in it. Then there were the senses. A throbbing pain in his head whenever someone hurt a vine plant, or talked badly about Castor.

In his jeans pocket was a sword. He was pretty good with it, but no one took him seriously as a son of Dionysus. Their problem.

Almost immediately he ran into Percy. Percy was two years younger than him and had an arm around Annabeth, but he ran up to him.

"Hey Pollux." He said. Percy had been nice to him since Castor died, everyone had. But it was all fake. They were just afraid that he'd make them go mad. He was tempted to do so, but shook off that feeling.

Still, he couldn't resist making Percy trip on a stray strawberry plant. Oops.

A pounding in his head.

"Go away..." He cried. Bad dreams, per usual. Every time he entered his cabin. ALWAYS the same. Not fair. No one had ever removed the bunk that had been his and Castor's. He had an urge to sit on the top bunk, where Castor always slept.

There had to be a better way to remember him...

The Nostalgia would KILL him...

Not fair.

Never fair.

But he was crazy, mad, insane, and sometimes, half dead. Like. Now.


	2. Chapter 1

**Switch from third to first person...**

* * *

Chapter 1

Percy Jackson was nineteen years old, going on twenty in August.

But as of April First (Yes, I know, what a joke) I was twenty two and completely free of college. Oh, and trying to look relaxed as I sip grape crush and conduct the strawberry plants.

There's a tree right by the strawberry field, cool, and shady, and on good days a Nymph will come out of it and talk to me. But not today, not that I mind, that much. I'm used to loneliness. It's been plaguing me for FIVE years.

Five, long years. And no one understands. What it's like to lose a brother, your only brother, who was your best friend. I could make friends. I could move on. I could. But that won't happen.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare is the prettiest girl at camp. But she's two years younger than me, like Percy, and the Oracle of Delphi, plus my dad would KILL me if I dated her. I've seen other girls. I've gone out with a few of them. But I'm so hung up on Rachel- because she's another thing I can't have.

I can't have a lot of things. A brother is near the top of the list, alcohol is there to, that I don't care about, a life, respect. Lot's of things I can't have. My dad has even for the most part stopped speaking to me.

I say I don't mind. I say I'm okay. I'm not. Who'd buy it? But lots of people buy into it. They've got their own worries.

Most of the time I feel like nobody. Like I'm not completely there. Like I'm missing my shadow, my reflection, my best friend. And I am.

I bump into Clarisse, and expect her to yell at me. And she almost does. But then she looks up, though I don't know why she couldn't tell it was me from my purple and black sneakers, and her expression softens. She remembers people who died too. She knows how bad I've got it.

She knows, but doesn't TRULY understand. No one does.

No one does. They say they do THEY SAY THEY DO. I hate that. Their supposed to be comforting words just make me feel worse.

I finished high school, college without Castor. I've gotten an apartment, a job, and plans for the future, without Castor. There's an empty space where he's supposed to be. Sometimes I can still here his voice. It's all a lie though...

I want to write a book.

The first sentence is,

"You don't know what it's like to be completely mad. I was 70% before, but then my brother, my best friend died. Now, I'm utterly insane. You get used to it." It's sort of about me, but not.

Had I gotten used to it?

Well, that's what I kept telling myself.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter- 2

Tripping through camp halfblood, vines pulling at my heels.

"I'M LEAVING!" I shouted at the vines. Frustrated and freaking out, I needed to get back to the mortal world. Back to my apartment. I tripped again, and fell, hitting my head... The flashback, the moment I'd learned that castor was dead...

* * *

_Pain. A searing pain,his head throbbing, his throat closing up... He was seventeen and usually had a head on his shoulders, but today logic had left him. He wanted to scream, say it wasn't fair, make them pay, make all of them pay. He started punching a demigod, someone who was on his side but he didn't care. Someone pulled him away, he was screaming but someone pulled him away, fighting and arguing, yelling over and over._

_"CASTOR IS DEAD! CASTOR IS DEAD! DOES THAT NOT MATTER?! MY BROTHER IS DEAD!" It didn't help._

_They, his father and him, worked so hard on the burial shroud. So hard. Harder than any seventeen year old should have to work. It was unfair. Unfair. Like that word ruled his life these days..._

* * *

Someone was helping me up. Annabeth.

"Are you okay Pollux?"

"I never have been." I answered moodily.

"Flashback?"

"Always..." I moaned.

"Pollux, people die, and we're demigods, so it happens more often. It'll be okay." I was angry, like in the flash back. I reared back and hit her. Annabeth just took it too. That's why I feel so guilty. They just take it. They're used to my mood swings and short temper. They're used to it, and they still try and help.

They definitely deserve laurels for that.

* * *

**Man I love writing him.**


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter- 3

I've been made a pet project of the Aphrodite kids. They insist I need a makeover, argue that I'm desperate for a girlfriend, and few of them see past the exterior me to the boy who's angry, lonely, depressed and Doesn't. Want. Anyone's. Help.

I consider it. Turn the idea over and over in my mind. One word, Suicide. Not many demigods have committed suicide, dyslexic or not they're not stupid. But I am, just a little bit, stupid. Stupid enough to do it.

I end up sitting on my cabin's roof, vines growing around me, A cooler of Grape crush sitting beside me. This was the ideal spot for Castor and I to hang out. We'd come up here because we knew no one could get us, no one would dare. Especially when we were younger, silly and trying to get away from grownup's and the older kids. And Luke. We pretty much hated Luke.

He wasn't that bad of a kid, when we were nine and he'd just come to camp. But it didn't matter, he was older than us and we didn't like him. He tried to be nice to us, tried to help us out whenever we could. But we were stubborn, and we didn't want help. We never wanted help.

It was silly, thinking we could live like that. That we could live without help, that everything would be easy, and daddy would always be there to protect us. WHERE WAS MY FATHER WHEN CASTOR DIED? On Olympus, not giving us a second glance! My brother died and Dionysus didn't do anything to stop it! He didn't do anything to stop Castor's death and he wouldn't do anything to stop mine!

So why don't I do it? Why don't I kill myself? It would be so easy! SO EASY!

"I should pluck you're eyebrows." Drew says, studying me. She refuses to admit it, but I know she misses Silena.

"I'd rather you not." She cornered me, flaunted her charm speak, and got me sitting in her swivel chair in front of her mirror in her cabin. I didn't take well to the newcomers. The children of the minor gods, Piper, Leo, and Jason. Ugh Jason. That kid from Camp Jupiter. He says he'll get me a girlfriend from his camp, but I don't care. Says he knows a daughter of Mercury who would be perfect for me. I gave up on Perfect the day Castor died. I don't want a daughter of Mercury. I just want my brother back.

* * *

Mason, the daughter of Mercury was bugging me as I sat by my trees conducting the strawberry plants and bluntly ignoring her.

"POLLUX! Listen to me. It was five years ago, get over it."

"Seriously? Seriously? GET OVER IT? MY BROTHER DIED!" I want to hit her, but don't, instead I calmly sip my soda and pretend that she's not there. I'll make her mad before I'll admit that maybe I SHOULD get over it.

People have been saying that for five years. I'm just to stubborn to admit that I'm starting to get over it.

But maybe the raven haired girl is right...

But I'm only STARTING.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter- 4

I lay on my bunk and wanted to die. What had done? The first time I see my dad in AGES and I go off on him like a time bomb, set to explode every five minutes!

* * *

_He'd walked up to me, just walked up to me. No hello, no how are you? No, I'm sorry I've been gone so long. He just walked up to me with a plate and sat down at the table where I am TRYING to enjoy breakfast. I glance up, head bent over a book and a piece of toast smeared with strawberry jam on my plate._

_"What're you doing here?" I ask._

_"I'm here to eat breakfast, conduct business, and see you." He replied, eating a bite of eggs._

_"Maybe I don't want to see you." _

_"Fair enough, would you care explaining why?" That's when I started to yell._

_"WHERE WERE YOU?! YOU ABANDONED ME!" People were watching. I. Didn't. Care._

_"I didn't abandon you. I had business. I'm a god. I'm busy."_

_"You didn't tell me where you were going or that you were leaving! You could have at least done that!"_

_"None of the other gods do." He shrugged._

_"I. Need. You. Unlike the other demigods, I DEPEND on my dad!"_

_Then I stormed out_

* * *

And here I am now.

There's a knock on the door.

"Go. Away." I know it's my dad.

"Will you listen to me?"

"No." He opened the door and sat down on my bed. I get up and start to leave.

"Pollux, don't go. I know you've been upset since Castor died, I have been too. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you. You're a brilliant boy-"

"I'm not a boy."

"Right. You're a brilliant... Man. And I thought you could handle me not being there. You've done so well handling it. You went to college and got a job. I thought you could handle it. I haven't been able to handle it. I just don't want to break down in front of you. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." I guess, I add in my head.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I will never understand demigods. I'd finally dragged myself out of the cabin and people kept congratulating me. And for what? What incredibly, heroic thing had I done? For yelling at my dad, of all things. I was starting to get seriously perturbed.

All satyr respect me, as they respect Dionysus. I'd been trying and failing, to keep campers away from me, satyrs assembled as body guards as I sulked. So not in the mood. When Percy came up to me and and started talking about how, "Dude it's so awesome that you stood up to your dad!" Well... I totally lost it.

"SHUT UP! I don't need ANYONE else telling me that it was awesome I pushed away my dad, who, despite prior belief, ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT ME!" My sword was drawn before I knew it. I just challenged master swordsman Perseus Jackson to a duel.

His reaction was remarkably quick, thing is, I had something he didn't, unfailing anger.

A lot of people swing blindly and wildly when they're angry. Not me. I hit with precision, and I still lost. He knocked away my sword and shoved me to the ground.

"Get a hold of yourself Pollux!" He warned.

"I'll make you go mad! You'll go insane!" I screamed, concentrating.

"NO!" Annabeth yelped, hugging him.

"Pollux, Pollux. You're upset, you need some time alone to think." A calming voice said. I think it was Piper. I am not a fan of Piper Mclean, and could see Jason watching wide eyed at my melt down.

I think it's only fair for me that the most calming place aside from the strawberry fields is Zeus's fist. It's a great place for reflection, and Zeus is my grandfather. Speaking of genealogy most people don't know that Castor and I's mom ran away when we were five. Dionysus HAD to take us to camp.

It- it was touch for him, juggling everything, and he was never the best dad. He'd taught us pinochle when we were six and we were often forced to play it with him and Chiron. Then there was Chiron. Poor Castor didn't get it though his head until he was eleven that the centaur was NOT TO BE RIDDEN.

How obvious, it was, that people knew us simply as Mr. D's kids. They didn't care about us. Few knew our names. Castor didn't get that either, he was optimistic, a glass half full guy. Even when mom left, even when Chiron wouldn't let Castor ride him, or when he lost a pinochle. Glass half full...

I was playing with my camp necklace, 17 years that someday I might be able to get back, thinking of these things, when I dropped it, impulsively reached for it, and fell off of Zeus's fist head first.

* * *

**I write cliffies when I'm home sick.**


	7. Chapter 6

**It saddens me that there is no gasps of OH NO for Pollux.**

* * *

Chapter 6

"You know, I'm a nice person and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt until I am positive, until everyone ELSE is positive that you didn't jump off Zeus's fist head first in an attempt of suicide." Mason snapped, glaring, when I first woke up.

"Where's my dad?"

"I'll answer that when you tell me whether or not you tried to commit suicide."

"I didn't, now wheres my dad?"

"Yelling at doctors."

"Oh. How does my head look?"

"Have you ever seen a cracked open bowling bowl? Try holding it together with toilet paper and add blood."

"We're in an actual hospital." I sum up.

"Yes Pollux, we are." She says with an eye roll. I wince when I try to move a little.

"Didn't you hear me? You cracked your head open! Dweeb."

"It hurts."

"Duh." Then she forced me to look at her in the eye.

"Pollux, I know I sound really, REALLY mean, but I want you to know that I love you and I'm just upset that you're hurt. Sarcasm is my defense when I'm upset or scared and right now I'm both."

"It was stupid of me to be up there in the first place."

"What were you doing?"

"I was reflecting... Thinking about life and wishing I didn't have to live without Castor, but I'd never kill myself... I swear on the river styx I never would."

"I believe you."

"I've thought about it though..." She frowns at that. I've never realized how good of friends I have until that moment, with Mason, sitting in a hospital bed and wishing my head wasn't busted.

"I just wish you'd be different." Hurtful...

"I CAN'T be different, I'm just too afraid I'll forget Castor." And even as I said it I knew I'd never forget him. She confirmed it.

"You WON'T forget him. I promise."

"So what now?"

"Well-"

* * *

**So I'm gonna be mean and not tell you... This was just a short chapter to show the relationship between Pollux and Mason building.**


End file.
